Gasping at Perfection
January 12, 2010
More often than not I find myself wondering about purpose and meaning and find myself grasping at straws that are not only all short but are also actively trying to lodge themselves into my consciousness. I find that I am rarely encouraged by the American method of self-propulsion which seems to be based upon the entertainment industry and a basic lack of understanding for our fellow man. Not that I’m any kind of saint, I am of my culture so to speak.
I’m aware, but too often unwilling to act. I see pain but am slow to give comfort without first being prompted. I find my very existence to be a conundrum. I am flawed, I am self-aware and self-deprecating, I am everything that Americans are criticised for being. And yet, I still hope. I hope that I can be redeemed. That if I cannot offer aid to those who need it most, then perhaps I can do small things and thereby do my part. I hope one day to teach, to influence my students to care about those around them, to recognize the basic human similarities that we all share but which divide us so completely from one another.
Once I thought that I was the only creature alive. No one else was aware, or saw what was a around them, or even conscious of the repercussions of their acts. I think it is possible for a person to live in the moment, from interaction to interaction with other peoples and with their surroundings, to consciously grasp what it means to be aware. We put great weight on responsibility when we are not completely disregarding everyone around us. We value family above all, even if we are too busy alienating ourselves from one another to remember it.
I recently stumbled across a composition that made me very conscious. The Persuit of Perfection:
Yes, it was featured in a commercial for Lexus, yet another aspect of our consumerism but somehow this struck beyond something as simple as an advertisement.
I was reminded of everything that I dreamed of as a child. Those simplistic and naive dreams of flying, of lending a helping hand, of reaching out and touching someone or something and simply connecting.
I’ve lost a lot of my innocence as I’ve travelled through a poor highschool system and the troublesome qualms of college. As I prepare to enter grad school, I know that I will not change the world. Not on my own. I won’t make an impact on a global scale, but I can do my best to make sure the future generations know that they may be individuals and completely lost in the world, but they are not alone.
We are so trapped in our simple worldviews that it is sometimes difficult to remember that we are one species, united not only by our genome but by our understanding of the world through a cultural perspective that is imbued with mysticism, community, and a longing for something more.
